Response to a NYT Conclusion About Marriage

The New York Times recently published an article entitled For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage (by Jason DeParle and Sabrina Tavernise.) The story is useful because it calls attention to a troubling cultural landmark. But it does make a claim that is premature and slightly sensational.

Here is an excerpt from the article:

One group still largely resists the trend: college graduates, who overwhelmingly marry before having children. That is turning family structure into a new class divide, with the economic and social rewards of marriage increasingly reserved for people with the most education.

“Marriage has become a luxury good,” said Frank Furstenberg, a sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania. 

The shift is affecting children’s lives. Researchers have consistently found that children born outside marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional and behavioral problems.

It's the phrase "increasingly reserved" that bothers me. The writers began with a reasonable premise--that college graduates are more likely to be married before having children--and jumped to the conclusion that a lack of education somehow limits the ability of a couple "enjoy the social rewards of marriage."

People without a college degree can get married if they choose to. Clearly, many choose not to get married, but that doesn't mean that marriage is a luxury. It's just out of style.

Now, with my questioning of that bit of logic aside, I'll address the issue of unmarriage itself in more detail.

The issue is complex. The idea of financially supporting a family is a scary one for many people. That burden may seem most daunting for people without a college education--and thus less earning-power. Thus in one way it is easier for a college-graduate to accept the idea of marriage. But it need not be that way; the "luxury" of it is simply due to a lack of understanding of the value of marriage and a lack of faith.

Leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have squarely addressed this issue.The President of the Church, Thomas S. Monson said, "I realize there are many reasons why you may be hesitating to take that step of getting married. If you are concerned about providing financially for a wife and family, may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions."

I can understand that marriage and children may seem daunting to people without knowledge of or trust in that counsel. Clearly there is a need to help our society redefine the social expectations of marriage.